LIVE Q & A with Alejandra Penalosa
Recorded January 26 2021
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alejandra Penalosa, BA CYW MFT
Alejandra is a parenting consultant and family therapist, founder of HeartSmart Parenting. She’ll help you enjoy the gift of parenting by providing you with a set of tools to help you navigate the challenges and have fun throughout the journey. She’s a mom to a toddler and a stepmom to a teenager.
Recorded January 26 2021
Hi everyone, good evening.
Thank you for being here.
We’re just getting, seeing everyone starting to join. I know right now, eight o’clock sometimes is a difficult time sometimes for some of you, it may get cross over with bedtime, but for some is perfect right after bed 10. So I hope many of you can make it.
I’m not sure how, how if, how many of you have been on in any of these lines, but you can see there’s a chat. You guys can just post your questions and I will address them as best as I can. I’m just going to wait a minute or two for everyone to join. And then I’ll introduce myself, give you guys a bit of a background for those of you that don’t know me and we’ll get started with the questions.
Well, hi Marina.
Thank you for being here. Really excited for this live and really excited to be here with you guys today. Yeah. Okay. So I’m going to start introducing myself again at any time, feel free to type up the questions and then I will start getting to them after this. My name is Alejandro Penalosa.
As you can see you were there, or you can call me Allie for short, I know Alejandro sometimes gets a little bit long for or confusing for some. I am a mom to a two and a half year old. So all of you that have toddlers at home, I’m here right here with you. And I am a step mom to a 14 year old.
So all of you that have teenagers, I’m here with you as well. I’m also a family therapist and a parenting consultant. I recently moved back to Canada not long ago before that I was in my home country of Columbia, running a daycare for the past five years. And so my main experience, and I’ve been doing private consultations for over 10 years.
So I’ve been really focused on families. I’ve worked a lot with teens as well. And for the past, almost seven years or eight now time flies, it’s been basically toddlers and preschoolers in other elementary school aged kids. So I’m here ready for the questions of any age. I am very happy and very honored to be part of the parent’s playbook community.
We are a group of experts in all built on each other’s knowledge and all support each other to give you guys the best support and the best to be there with you guys, because parenting is can be tough, can be difficult.
Some things are really hard. Some days are easier, but sometimes it can be tough and we’re here to help you answer all your questions and support and provide some guidance strategies, anything that makes it a little smoother, right?
Hi Diana, let me get you to read question the way this works again, for those of you that are just coming in is you guys can type up any questions you have or any topic, not necessarily, doesn’t have to be a specific question. You can just write up a topic, topic that you’d like me to address and I’ll get to it.
So, Ana asked your two and a half year old has been fighting us. When we have tried to put her to bed, she screams and bangs on the doors. Some nights it’s been an issue for many months lately for the last month or so when you new ways to handle. So bedtime is becoming a struggle. (03:15)
Is, is, is she not being as well?
Does this happen during a nap time as well? Sleeping sleep time, we have an expert in sleeps, all sleep related questions. So I’ll answer from my point of view, but if you want to consult further, Rosalie is our sleep expert.
And she knows a ton more than me about sleep, but basically from a toddler perspective and from a developmental and behavioral perspective, but to give it really tough. So the first thing you want to check, okay.
Did you middle child? Do you have an older child and a younger child? My other question right now is did you recently switched from a crib or to a toddler bed or are you still in a crib or are you in a bed? What’s the sleeping situation.
So while you, you answered Oh, toddler bed. Okay. So now they can get out, they can get out and pick and bang on the doors, right? Like you just mentioned. So the first thing you want to check is time is for the last 10 months to a year. Oh, so it’s been a long time. Okay. So you want to check if bedtime, maybe it’s a little too late when kids are overtired.
It’s basically think about it when you’re pulling an all-nighter new drink, coffee to stay up. So you’re tired, but your brain keeps going. So when kids are overtired and sometimes the window of opportunity to fall asleep, you miss it. Then the brain starts developing all the stress response hormones. So like cortisol and adrenaline.
So they’re tired too. It’s harder for them to fall asleep. So it could be something to do with adjusting bedtime, to make them maybe a little bit earlier to make them go on longer. Or it could be something about the routine and resisting bedtime, like per se. Sometimes you find kids toddlers, one, you’re putting dinner on the table.
They’re like, I don’t want to go to bed yet. And you’re like, I’m just sitting dinner. It’s not bedtime yet, but they already know what’s going to happen. So you want to try as hard as you can have a very standard routine from before bedtime, you can give her some power by creating maybe a visual routine where she has dinner, then some real quiet play, then brush his teeth, put, puts PJ’s on, goes to the bathroom or change his diaper and goes to bed, right?
So you can laminate them and put them in those plastic things, folder things. And you can give her a washable marker and she can check off every time or scribble or whatever. Every time she completes one of the tasks and this way she’ll feel a little empowered in a little bit in control of her process of going to bed and always try to have the same routine as well.
Well, right now in parts, it’s real easy to be home. But so it’s always either like, as I was mentioning, for example, dinner, I hope you guys can still hear me, but okay. So it’s, and as I was saying, make sure you have the same routine every time. And it’s within a range of the time of the window of opportunity to fall asleep.
When she gets up from the bed, try to make going back to bed as boring as you can, try to not make it playful. Give me one second. I’m just getting technical support. Okay. So let’s try it again. Bedtime routine chart. We have used charts with the stickers. We’ve adjusted the time between seven and eight. We don’t engage her when you put her back in the room.
Okay. Have you given her the opera? The possibility of you can either go to sleep or sit quietly here, maybe give her like a book or something. One thing so that she can keep her like a stuffed animal that she can just sit in the bed. And so you cannot, you know, you can not get up from bed or maybe have you tried the sleep refreshing the girl clock.
She uses it to read books. Oh yes, exactly. So you just want to engage with her and not engage with them and bring her back to her bed and be very firm about the limits. You cannot bang the doors. You can knock it up from your bed. You can stay in your bed and sleep, or you can stay in your bed and do this and give her an option of quite quiet things to do and try to get her back in bed.
I mean, you’re doing great. You already have the routine, you have the chart, you have the stickers, you’ve adjusted bedtime. We’ve tried everything and it can feel very frustrating. You didn’t tell me about the nappy she napping because she might, that might have to, Oh, sorry. Yes, she is not there. And if you try to shorten the nap a little bit, how long is she napping for?
Right. It’s been a shorter one hour. Okay. That’s sounds like a great amount of time. So just try giving her options. Say, you can not get out from it. You can close your eyes and try to fall asleep, or you can do this. You decide there’s no, there’s no coming out of bed.
Try to like really be from giving her two options. And maybe that will help her like empower her and feel like she is deciding and decide to stay in the bed, right. By letting her know there’s no coming out of the bed, but you can do this or this. You can close your eyes and fall asleep, or you can read this book, but you got to stay in bed.
There’s no getting up from bed. It’s tough for them because when they’re in the toddler bed, even though she’s been there for 10 months, it’s when they feel that freedom and that they’re able to get out and they know that you’re always gonna come back and put them back to bed. That’s why I always try to say, try to make the going back to bed as boring as possible.
Cause sometimes we react like, Oh, look at you. What are you doing here? Let’s get back to bed. They already got your attention. And they got our response. So the less you engage that less exciting you make it the easier it is. And again, I would also reach out to Rosaleen our sleep expert too.
She might have more tips precisely on the sleep and the sleep patterns that she may be having and all that.
Hi, Cheryl, I’m going to go to the next question. I hope that helps. I hope that being from and having the two options, I mean, you’re doing everything you can, you know, with, with toddlers, it just gotta be persistent, persistent, persistent.
It’s like learning to ride a bike five times, right? Not even just once, like five times because they, they just like to find the attention. They like to have control. They like to have power. So that’s why we got to fill the power cup with different choices, choices all the time, helping them make decisions.
You make big decisions. They make the little decisions to make them feel a little empowered about. So I hope maybe that helps giving her an option to stay in bed and do something quietly before going to sleep.
Cheryl, you’re a first time mom with a newborn congratulations and suggestions for laying groundwork, for families, with different parenting styles, to help with communication and alignment. (11:08)
It’s great that you’re doing it early on because a lot of the times this conflicts with family members happen later on, right? When the kids are having candy or when they have TV time and stuff like that. That’s when a lot of the conflicts come in. So it’s important for you to feel empowered that you’re doing the best that you can for your child.
There are certain things that you may not really care about, but there’s some definitely non-negotiable non-negotiable nuts. So you can start telling them from now on now that your baby’s newborn be like, Oh, I’ve been reading all these studies. New science says that I dunno what the conflicts may be or that, you know, motherhood or period, it comes with a lot of criticism and a lot of opinions that everybody does it better than you do.
Right. Everybody has something to say always. So you can always try, like if someone says, Oh, I dunno, maybe you’re co-sleeping or, or you’re putting them in a crib right away. And people have something to say about that and be like, yeah, no, I D I, we decided to do this, or I decided to do this because I’ve been advised by this and this and this, something that I find really helps.
Sometimes it’s one that you put the information on someone else, you say the pediatrician said to do this and this, and there’s a pediatrician recommended this. So they’re not judging your, your decisions as a mom, you’re already putting it off to a doctor. And everybody’s like, Oh, the doctor said it. So, you know, must be, must be true.
It’s different from when you decide as a mom later on in life for everybody listening. Sometimes maybe you have kids that are already talking and engaging and maybe the grandparents, you know, grandparents will always educate differently or raise kids differently from us grandparents that as parents, right? I assume you may even think of your parents.
Like you would never ever let me watch TV during the week. And now you’re giving them two hours of a movie, you know, like different things that you see that completely flip over. It’s like they were one person as a parent, and now they’re a complete different person. That’s the grandparents. So you can lay the ground rules. If you, if you can do it openly, it’s easier to be direct.
Or you can. And sometimes we like prepare the child ahead of time. So if you know that the grandpa’s always gonna have some candy and be like, you know, grandpa’s gonna have some candy when he comes here, but the rules in this house are this, this and this and this.
We’re going to keep the candy and we’re going to save it for after lunch, or we’re going to, you know, however you want to handle certain things. Or if the grandpa wants to put the pop patrol on the TV on right now, you can say to the kid, if the grandpa’s not like taking the suggestions, you can save your child.
Oh, I grabbed it. But things you can watch paw patrol right now, but we can’t, we watch only profitable at 4:00 PM. You know, like kind of like give the hint that way. The easiest way to do it is to have ground rules from the start to know what are non-negotiables for you if maybe a little bit of extra TV wouldn’t whether with the grandparents it’s okay, then, then, you know, let it go.
But if candy is not okay, that candy is not okay. And you can be so long and be like, I’m so grateful. You’re, TRIBE, you’re being so loving with him, my son or my daughter. But you know, again, the pediatrician or have decided from what I’ve studied, that he’s not going to have candy until he’s two or three or never, you know, there’s a big, I’m going to give you an example.
That’s going to come sooner to you because he’s a newborn. Sometimes there’s a lot of disagreement with B L w when you start feeding solids and stuff, some grandparents or some aunts and uncles, like people from older people are older generation.
Sometimes they’re like, you’re going to give them a whole piece of avocado. Are you thinking like, he’s going to choke? What are you doing in my time? We all gave them a soups and everything’s smashed together and they grew up just fine. And they were perfect. And you know, that seems to be a big topic of differences. So again, you can base your decisions on, Oh, no, I’ve studied, never this.
It gives them an play out the benefits you can, when you need call a friend. So say the pediatrician recommended, or you’re doing it hand by hand, side by side with the pediatrician or a nutritionist, or like a professional. And, or you can just depending or character, depending on the relationship you have the person you can just be like, yeah, things have changed a lot.
This is what I’m going to try it out. I’m a mom, I’m a new mom. I’m going to make some mistakes and I’m going to learn from them. I appreciate your suggestions so much. I’m so grateful. You’re come from the kindest place. And I know you only mean, well, well, I’m trying it out this way.
So it really depends where you’re coming from, but it’s, it’s great to set up the loss from the start, because sometimes when they’re really babies, you’re like, Oh, it’s okay. I’ll get to it later. But then later it’s harder because all this buildup has happened and all this relationships have been created already as a baby, right.
During the months. So I hope that helps if you have any specific situations or topics about what, you know, different situations that you have, let me know, and I can, I can help you up. Oh, I want to say something else. Maybe you mean different parenting styles between the both parents, right? Not necessarily extended family.
I just, re-read your question. When you have, it’s very similar though. The answer, when you have different parenting styles between two parents, sometimes one tends to be very flexible. One sense will be very rigid depending on their own upbringing. This is one of the biggest questions I have in private, in consultations. It’s either, you know, we don’t, we don’t agree on so many things or they are on authorizing me in front of the kid.
And it’s all this happens. Or when parents are separated and they’re racing into different households with different parenting styles. So you gotta make agreements and like GRA rod rules on what are non-negotiables. Again, there’s some things that you can flexible, be flexible on. And some things that you don’t really mind.
There’s some things that are, non-negotiable some things that could be non-negotiable. For example, some kids, some parents kiss the kids on the lips and some kids don’t, some parents, don’t, that’s something you need to agree on because it’s going to happen every day. And it’s going to torture you on whether, you know, you’re going to have routines or you’re going to play it by ear.
Some parents are really flexible and they’re like, Oh, we’ll see what he eats whole eat one. He eats, there’s a lot of recommendation with routines because kids thrive with routines, get to thrive with knowing what’s going to happen. And what’s next in predictability. So you’ve got lay some major grounds, like the big non-negotiable ones, other things that you can agree on, you know, before in-laws com or visit comes, we have to, right now, of course we’re not receiving visits, but when that happens, we got agree on it.
Are we going to do daycare? Are we not going to do daycare? Are we going to, you know, do a nanny instead. So the big decisions and the daily decisions you need to agree on, and you’re going to go straight.
When you have differences in front of the child, no matter how old he is, baby toddler, adolescent, it’s okay to talk it through with the child and be like, Oh, you know, mommy and daddy are having a difference in or difficult time agreeing on, you know, how much time, how much TV you’re going to watch today.
So we’re going to pardon the middle. And I said, half an hour, one hour, we’re going to do 45 minutes for today. Sounds a bit like, you know, like walk it through. It’s okay for them to know that you don’t agree. But the most consistency they have and the more they know that you’re United front better because kids learn really fast where they can go and who can get them what they want the most, right?
It’s like a natural instinct to, to fight for what you want. And so it’s easier to discuss those things have be aligned on bedtimes, on meals, on the big things like visits or others like external situations. And go from there daily. Like you can, you can agree on, you can, you know, change there’s with kids.
A lot of things don’t happen as you plan daily life. And so you’ll have a lot more flexibility during the day, but try to get the big ones and that non-negotiables down from the start.
Laura, you ask your two and a half year old is a very picky eater and does not try new foods. There’s not like greens or many healthy things. Any advice? (19:28)
We have an expert in feeding as well. Her name is Jay bong, and you guys can reach out to her as well. I’ll give you some tips that may work because picky eaters are very common nowadays. So I’ll give you some tips. It takes a child, many, many exposures of a new food for them to realize that they actually like it or not.
Right? You may want to present the same food in different forms. Sometimes for example, if you’re gonna present beans, you can put beans in a soup. You could put beans as like mashed beans or like re fried beans. Or you can put bean hole. You can put beans mixed with something else or on their own, like there’s many ways to present it.
So from J we’ve all learned about intuitive eating and she can go a lot more in depth on it. But basically the adults, again, the big decisions are the adults. The small decisions are the kids. You want to try to avoid making mealtime struggle, because it will be your resistance. And you’ll have fights from the start from even getting him to sit down on their, on their little tape where all their high chair or wherever they sit to eat.
So it it’s always a struggle then you’ll you, they will fight against it and they’ll reject it. And they’ll like, put a stop to it. So try to make mealtimes as calm as possible. Try to get them to always eat what you eat as well. If no one in the family it’s veggies and you just serve them a plate of veggies, but nobody else is eating greens. It’s going to be hard for them to, to eat them, right.
Or they, they do a lot. Like they learn a lot and do a lot by modeling or imitating what us adults or the rest of the floor are doing around them. So always present a new food with a safe food, a safe food is something that really likes to be cheese could be rice.
It could be keynote or whatever they really like. And you present the new veggie, like the asparagus or wherever you’re presenting try. And so I get back to intuitive eating. So the adult decides what, what time and what to present in the plate. And they tell, decides what to eat and how much of it. I know it’s hard because sometimes you want, Oh, just one more, just one more bite.
Oh, one for mommy, one for daddy, all come on, you know, this is delicious. TRIBE mommy cooked it with all her love and yeah. And you just want to spoonfeed them and have them eat it. But the more you try and the more you practice it, the more you’re like, woo. So yummy. Isn’t it.
The more they’re going to reject it. So try to place a plate, get your own plate. Everybody have a meal and talk about what’s going on. Even if your child is verbal yet, try to involve them in the conversation and try to talk about, Ooh, it’s snowing outside. And how was your day today and talking about, you know, did you like school today?
How was daycare was your friend there? Like try to engage in conversation and just have them eat whatever they want. And if they don’t even try it, they don’t try it. They had it on their plate. They exposed, you exposed them to it. And if they only eat the rice and you’re like, what are the chicken? What about the veggies today? That’s okay.
They only eat the rice or you’re going to keep exposing them. Doesn’t mean you’re just going to not present chicken ever again. We’re not presenting those veggies ever again. You just keep presenting them because remember they need a lot of exposure, like over 50 exposures to re you know, make a decision on whether they do like it or not.
Sometimes I put it in their mouth, take it out and it’s okay. You’re not going to be like, Oh, go do it again. Do it again. And put it in. You didn’t bite it, bite it, eat it. And you’re going to try to just be cool play. Like I said, it doesn’t matter. We’re just all sitting in.
Everybody has their own plate. And they’re more likely to like imitation by modeling, try new foods, try new veggies, try new different foods. You know? And sometimes kids don’t like certain foods, but certain foods can be pepper. It’s not necessarily, they don’t like veggies. Oh, my child doesn’t eat veggies or fruit. It’s just certain ones that they don’t like.
Maybe because of the texture. Maybe you want to check that out too. Maybe there’s something about their sensory reception of the texture of the food, certain tastes. So you want to check it up and you also want to try to avoid to have foods in different levels of not appreciation, but different levels of attractiveness. So when you tell a child, you can’t have an Oreo until you finished your broccoli.
You already put the Oreo up on a pedestal and the broccoli’s already below, right? When they see the orders and they find them and they won’t want, you can serve one with dinner and put in the dinner plate next to the broccoli and next to the beef next to the rights and see how that goes. Because when you’re bribing kids to eat their food for dessert or trying to make the dessert price, the rest is already the homework, right?
This is what you’re getting at the end. So those are my suggestions. Keep exposing them. Keep, keep exposing your son and keep providing, you know, new presentations of the food, new meals in just at the plate and let them go for it. You lead by example and they will follow.
Hi Marina. Your son is nine months old for the past month. He has been having issues with his dad, putting him to sleep or taking care of him when he’s crying in the middle of the night or during the day. Is there any strategies for having him except the father, rather than always asking for mama. You’ve also said with that for naps. No problem. When we at night, the flushing and wants attention, he has been fine with father for eight months. He can get him or putting him. (24:15)
Okay. So between eight and nine months, something important happens for the babies, for the kids or for all, all of us humans. When we start to realize that we are an individual separate from our mom, it’s when we start having like that identity separation recognition.
So when we start realizing that mom can be gone and I am not an organ or part or attached to mom, right. They, before that, it’s sort of like what mom feels, this happens there. It’s like they go together all the time. So they started having to have some separation anxiety.
And that’s usually along the same time when they started saying the first words. So you can hear that mom, mom, my mom, mama, really loud, crock calling for you. They understand a lot more than we than we think they do. So you can try to be very consistent about like a routine. So he knows what to expect. Maybe you and the dad separate divide the nights, or he does always the nights.
And you do the mornings or he does one bed time. One day you do the next, he does one. He does the next though. He knows what to expect. You can have also have, I mean, th th from what you say, that they’ve had a lot of time to bond, they’ve been able to bond during that time.
And during the bedtime up to eight months where this is just seems, sounds like it’s a lot of separation anxiety, so he can just re really validate his feelings. Oh yeah. You want mama. Mama is so sad or mom is just, you know, she’s in bed, daddy’s here with you. You’re safe. I love you. Like have a routine or like a love routine that it started with him, or a little playful routine with his, maybe his little hands and a little song.
Something that like engages him. So he called us down, but validate his feelings. Today’s daddy’s turn tomorrow. Tomorrow’s mama’s church, you know? So he kind of understands, but Valley or you’re feeling upset. Do you want a moment to put you to bed, right?
Or two mama, mama stays tomorrow. Today’s daddy daddy’s here. And then engage, like to kind of shift him to a different situation. Like what I was saying, like the love routine, which can be a song, a little, a little game, a little something before bed. They do a little book. I’m not really sure what the routine is, but try to like validate the feelings like you upset.
Mama’s here, mama’s outside. Today’s daddy’s turn tomorrow will be mama. I have, if you have a consistently, it’ll be easier for him to understand if he cries and cries and cries, and eventually you come in and relieve the data that comes out. She’s going to learn that you’re going to do that every time.
Right? It’s okay for you to make you be there with him too, but try to get dad to validate his emotions, to validate that mom’s outside and that he’s safe and that your attorneys the next day. And I hope that it helps.
Heather has a 14 month old drinks, two bottles of milk per day morning before bed. I’ve dragging him rope with a straw cup of three, six o’clock, but she just freaks out. Only has one sip or two sips and pushes it away. She’ll drink water from these cups. (27:10)
Okay. Do you need to drink more milk? Do you need a drink, more milk? Like have you spoken to, to their pediatrician about it? Sometimes we think kids needing more milk than they actually do.
And sometimes if they are getting enough from Dr. Dina Kulik was our expert pediatrician. We’ve learned that sometimes if they have enough milk products like yogurt, cheese, dairy products, I mean, it’ll be enough to compliment and they won’t need that milk.
This does your 14 month old need the milk to in the morning and before bed? (27:58)
Is there a reason right now that you’re taking away the bottles, like, have you been directed to take them away or were you thinking of taking them away?
The thing that you can do is, I don’t know if you’ve already tried probably, and it’s hard in the pandemic, but maybe virtual, you can get them to pick out a cup, something that really like that, like, I don’t know, Daniel, the tiger or something that they may really like and pick up the sippy cup would make a big deal about it.
And this is your new milk cup. When it comes in, I get them to open the box. Or if you go to shoppers, buy one at shoppers or wherever and get them to pick it out and fill it in and maybe, you know, have a ritual where you say goodbye to the bottles.
If you need to get rid of them, because maybe the, the, the dentist or someone’s that, that they needed for their teeth, for their mouth. If you need to get rid of the bottles, if you don’t need to get rid of the laurels, maybe you can keep doing them just for the nighttime.
I personally think that there certain things that you don’t know it’s not needed. If it’s not needed, it’s going to cause more stress than it is then maybe it took you to keep them for now and also check if he does need the bottle at that time or the liquid at the time. And if he doesn’t need the milk, or if he’s getting enough dairy with, again, other dairy products like cheese or yogurt during the day, otherwise gets kids 14 months old is really young still, but they thrive on decision on power, on filling their power buckets, right?
So if you get them really excited about the new cup that they’re getting with dogs on it, and they’re like looking at dogs in the park or with whatever you need, even if it’s just online, they will enjoy picking up a theme.
And when it comes to make a big deal, you know, this is the new, your new milk one, because there’s no more bottles or the model, or you can, some people sometimes getting rid of the bottles where it’s by cutting up bigger hole in the, in the nipple.
And then more milk comes out on. They won’t like it. So they’ll like the cup better. And it can be just a transition of letting them go and then getting the new one, being, getting them excited about it. If you need to have the milk at that moment now.
Hey, so you’re five, four and a half year old speak heater. And when he eats after one, after him to spoon feed him while he’s playing, he doesn’t sit at the table or to eat by himself. (30:10)
Okay. So I just, I just spoke mentioned something about picky eating does, is there, does he eat at same time as you eat? Ideally for kids to sit at the table, the best is to have them sit with you at the same time and eat your meals at the same time.
Sometimes that’s not possible because it was scheduled. So I understand, but that’s the ideal. Otherwise you can start, you’re going to have to try to get him to condition him, to come back to the table and know that the food is only at the table. So no chasing around. No try to avoid that. Put the toys away, put the TV off.
It’s time to eat. You know, you can get some visual routines, again, kids up to the age of 60 thinking visuals, anything that you can do visual for them will help them so much to know what is expected of them and what is happening. So if you put a visual, what, how you even a picture of himself will be so powerful for him sitting where he has to sit to eat, right?
Where he has to sit. You put the eye level. So he knows here’s how we sit and here’s how we eat. Or if you have like a routine, a visual routine for when they’re going to eat, first thing you do is go wash your hands, dry your hands, go to the table and eat. And you have those three pictures or four pictures for him to check off when he’s done each one of them.
And that’s okay. You’re also going to want to try to get him to state sitting with a timer. And he might really enjoy this because kids love to start timers and timers. A timer of tricks, work for a lot of things, and it can be frustrating and start very, very small to start with maybe one minute, okay, we’re going to start the table and eat at the table for one minute.
Oh, you did it. And then increase the two minutes, three minutes, four minutes, five minutes at every meal, you can increase a minute for him to start it. And the timer, he can’t even think he couldn’t even choose the sound of the timer and try to get him to sit, avoid, try to avoid like screens while he eats and stuff like that.
Initially, you can try to bring the toys to the table. Instead of having him run around with the toys that maybe like you can pick one car and bring them to the table, we can bring one book. You can pick one superhero or whatever he’s playing with. Bring it to the table and have it while you eat. But we’re going to start small to get him used to sitting, basing again at the table while heat.
So again, one minute then maybe you can go to three, maybe five. If you see that he can increase in those amounts. Otherwise set him up for wins. So in congratulate him, when he went to, to sit back at the table and even if he takes awhile, try to avoid running after him.
But having him come to you again, sending up at four and a half, you can set visual rules for him to know that, you know, we don’t run around with the food or agree with him like, Oh, so like, get him involved in creating the rule. Where do you think w where do we eat? What should be the rule?
What happens when we spill over there? Oh, it’s better to have it here because here’s where we all sit and try to have family meals times, which will be easier if you can. I know sometimes schedules are not easy.
Oh, great. Haiti. You have a four year old daughter and you’re eight months pregnant. Congratulations. Almost due. So. (33:20)
You you’ve talked to her about baby already. Of course. She’s really excited. She’s older, but older kids sometimes get jealous as well. And Josie is normal and it’s okay. You know, I have a few tips about creating the best space for, for what’s going to happen. You can, I don’t know if you have already started using dolls together to understand what’s happening or what’s, you know, what’s going to happen.
What’s going to be a baby. Like sometimes for like kids here, like siblings coming, and they’re just so excited and all of a sudden it’s a baby that just sleeps in crisis initially. Right? So they’re like, what? Like, does it play with like, the expectation is completely like blown up because they thought it was gonna be a sibling like a buddy to play with.
So if you have a doll or if you create like kids learn, as I was saying through visuals, but through stories so much write books are so powerful. And if you could even create your own book with images of what’s going to happen, or very tar stories about what’s going to happen, the baby comes out. Maybe just didn’t talk yet. She doesn’t sit yet.
She doesn’t, you know, she’s got to learn all these things. It’s going to take a long time because also for toddlers and preschoolers, time is very different than from us adults. So nine months for them is eternity, right? So try to anticipate what’s going to happen. You know, if you can see in images, you can use books.
If you, you know, you’re really, you’re eight months pregnant, probably with so many things going on right now. But if you can create a visual book for her to know where the baby’s going to sleep, how it’s going to happen, baby’s going to, I don’t know if it can have breastfeed or bottle feed out the baby’s going to need burping.
The baby’s going to need those things. So she knows what to expect or play with adults and show them what it’s going to be. Also one suggestion. When your daughter meets the new baby, try to not have you as a mom, not be holding the new baby. Try to have the baby on the bed, on the bassinet, on the stroller, anywhere else would they see the baby externally from you?
They don’t see it already attached you or breastfeeding or holding her or anything with the baby, have the baby next to you. But separately, try to avoid blame things on the baby. Right? So being like, Oh, we gotta be quiet, baby sleeping. Instead. TRIBE it’s quite time in the house right now.
You know, stuff like that. Try to, instead of saying, Oh, because the baby’s doing this, we have to do this, but make it like a rule about the house. Like, Oh, we’re going to pick play quietly right now. You don’t want an app because maybe at four, they don’t have any more. But you know, also we’re going to do this.
Instead here. We thought trying to put the playground with the kid. I don’t know if I on the new baby. I don’t know if I’m making sense. So you’re gonna want to try that they can help out when there are for the loving little helpers. So can you pass me the diaper? Can you help them with this? Can you do this? Can you do that?
That can also help try to have one-on-one time with your daughter every day. Even if it’s 10 minutes, I know it’s going to be exhausting. It’s hard. COVID whole bunch of things mixed together, but try to have at least 10 minutes of one-on-one time with your daughter every day. You, and if you’re co-parenting the other parents as well one-on-one and lastly, it’s okay.
When they do get jealous, you know, it’s okay to validate their feelings or you’re feeling a little upset before you had mommy to yourself. And now there’s a little baby that needs my attention as well. I’m sorry, you’re feeling this way. Want me to, going to try to make you help you feel better, you know, try to like validate and walk them through.
Do you think that later in these afternoon we could play with the back magnets or later this afternoon, we can make cookies together. Like, you know, I know that they’re feeling that way because it is once I heard at a conference, someone would say having a new sibling is like having your partner come home with me and be like, honey, I found someone, you, I found a new, you know, someone she’s going to be your best friend.
She’s going to come live with us. She’s my new girlfriend. And you know, and we’re all gonna live together. You’re going to love her so much because she’s so great. And that’s a lot of what we do with the kids. You know, someone like a new baby’s coming and he’s going to be your best friend.
And you’re going to love him so much. And then a baby comes that only Christ, poops and sleeps for a few months. It takes a while before they can even play. It takes away. A lot of the time of their parents take away a lot of attention. They have to share everything. So it is a little bit hard, right?
So it’s okay to acknowledge it and walk through it. But if you prepare them and you’re there with them and you’re spend those 10 minutes or more, if you can, but it can be little short moments that add up to 10 or more minutes everyday. One-on-one no cell phone, no distractions, just a hundred percent presence. It’ll Help a lot.
Hi, Leah, you have a three minute, sorry. I’m extending myself in some questions, but I’m trying to get to all of them. I have a three and a half year old and 11 month old before COVID. We used to be a family who went out and saw family did activities such as swimming lessons, et cetera, wherever we can. I’m finding that it is difficult to entertain my three and a half year old. She seems to be tired with the same old thing all the time. We try very hard to do different things, fun things with the same toys. Do you have any suggestions on how to make staying at home. (37:53)
Oh, you know, it’s so, so difficult. This challenging moments of being home with toddlers, I’m on the same boat. I feel for all of you.
And I’m going to try to give you some tips, try to do some toy rotation. So with the toys that you do have at home, try to put some away and leave some out so that the novelty of having the old toys, even though they already know the new comeback as new and like change it up, it’ll help a lot. Try if you can, to get outside every day, at least for like the longest you can once or twice a day, if you can, even with the quality, even with the struggle of putting all this no pants and all this, no gear on the winter gear on, but try to get outside and try to do things that one thing a day that requires movement. So it could be outside.
It could be, if it’s inside a dance party, it could be I Robert X, you know, like maybe you’re working out or something. Kids love to join in the exercise, try to do something that destructs them, let that work, not stressing that works them cognitively. So it could be your three and a half. You can play lottery, create a lottery, like print it off, or like even draw it out and call up the different animals or whatever lottery you create.
Anything that challenges them cognitively and something that challenges him is like sensory. So it could be big one day baking cookies and other day could be painting. And other day it can be helping with dinner. It can be really hard also at plus you have an 11 month old, but if you do through those three different types of activities, you’ll be working in different areas of the brain and it’ll help them also feel fulfilled and challenged and like worked up you also, whenever you have to do chores around the house, try to involve your three and a half year old in as many as you can, for example, you’re going to do laundry, put the laundry and the machine, get them to help you take the laundry out of the washing machine and put it in the dryer.
It’ll take forever. It’ll take much more long. Sometimes a lot of times would only involve them because we say, I can do this in two minutes. And if I involve her, if it’s going to be 15 minutes, right? But they love to help.
If you’re doing the bed, get them to help you pull the sheets or the, or the blanket. If you’re when you’re finishing laundry, you can get them to find the pairs of sock pairs matching much. The pairs. When you’re doing washing dishes, have them maybe in a little bowl or something, put soapy water and have them rinse out their own dishes that are plastic and safe.
There’ll be close to you. They’ll feel connected to you. You’re creating a connection. You’re also getting work done around the house and they’re keeping busy. And so many things are stimulating different things. So when they’re pulling the wet clothing out of the washing machine and putting it in the dryer, you’re working right there, all the motor muscles, dissociation of the shoulders, elbows, wrists, all these things that will eventually help with fine motor skills and different things.
Right. I can also try. I’m not sure if you’re in the parent playbook, but I can try to post a list of different activities for home they can do at home. You can create, for example, on blizzard days like today, you can create obstacle courses at home.
What are the things that you have? So you can put the, all the chairs from the dining room together and have them crawl under it, like pull themselves, drag themselves, completely flat on the ground, under them. Then you can get the jump over the pillows from the, from the cushion, like the cushions from the living room, like over them, and then get to a couch and do a somersault on top of the couch and then hop on one foot to the next wall and then help them push along a little bit, pushing the wall and moving it.
If you play with them, sometimes when you see they’re really active and you can’t get out right now and you need them to just bring it down to not just ask them to please help me move the wall.
Like, Oh, this wall moved into the room. A little smaller, helped me push it to help it, push it and pushing. It will activate their proprioceptive sense, which will help like the whole body control their body and help them like regroup. Anytime you want to do with your three and a half year old and activity that maybe you’re doing, I don’t know, nexus with beads or you’re classifying beans or different things that you may do that are required.
Attention focus are down activities. You know, we have activities that are like, like movement and dancing and jumping and stuff. And you want down activities when you want them to sit and read a book or sit and classify something or play quietly or some like something that requires attention in focus.
Try to get them to do something movement before. So let’s do 10 jumping jacks really fast before sitting down and working. Let’s push the wall a little bit, helped me move the wall a little bit. Let’s run around from one wall to the other, down the hallway six times, and then count you’re working on the counting or working on their, on their running.
And then that will help them settle down a little bit. I hope this helps a little bit, try to get those three activities in. I know it’s really hard. I feel for you. I know you’re doing great, but I hope this, some of these ideas are helpful and I can try to post on the parent playbook. A list of different activities were toddlers and preschoolers indoors.
In-house without having to get a ton of stuff that you sometimes have to get for certain items.
Oh, Cheryl, I just saw your second message. So I hope I, I acknowledged some of the points between different parents in South between parents. So again, just laying the ground rules from the start, the non-negotiables and you it’s, it’s a process of you knowing what’s non-negotiable for you.
And, you know, for example, some people grew up in an environment where they were screamed at and it’s automatic for them that under frustration or something, they scream, you know, no screaming. This is what happens when we get upset, we walk away, we breathe, we, you know, tag each other out, et cetera. Like the, the very, the very important non-negotiables.
Hi, how your, how can you encourage your four and a half year old to do her morning chores? I have a 10 month old and two and a half year old in the morning. She has a virtual school it’s so helpful when she goes party all on her own and makes her bed and gets dressed all by herself. She’s perfectly capable of doing it, but she was a lot of time playing around in the morning and said, she’s too lazy. Since I need to help her brush her teeth. She holds it though. (44:08)
Yeah, you can for sure. Use a timer. Timer works great. Especially when you get her to start the timer and then the timer you can also do.
I’ve already like touched on some things. Maybe you usually do visuals, eliminate them or put them inside those plastic things for papers. I forgot what they’re called and have them with a new Mark and Mark off. Every time they, they, she has completed a chore. So when she has all the five, like check marks, you know, she’ll feel really powered and really, really celebrator.
But the timer will also work for sure. She might be, you know, trying to get attention or delaying the morning school. Virtual school is really hard, especially for kids that age. And I really, I think you’re doing great. You have three kids at home right now, all plus a homeschooling child. So it’s, it can be really tough for, for kids that age.
It’s tough for everybody to do virtual stuff, especially kids, you know, but at that age, it’s really hard for them to focus on the screen and be able to follow what’s going on, plus all the other students. So if you do get the chores and make sure you are just so you know, a lot of what she does this morning, you went potty on your own.
He was so helpful to mommy. I’m so grateful. Like good for you. You did it. You did it on your own. Like you were able to, sorry, I forgot the other things, but you were able to get dressed in, you know, put the clothing in that dirty pulling bin. You did it all on your own.
Look at what you did. Like kids love not just when you say, Oh, good job, you did it. Oh, that was really well done. Oh, good for you. But when you actually know what they’re doing, think about when your child tries to get your attention. A lot of the time, they’re like, mommy, look, mommy, look, mommy, look, and then you’re like, Oh good.
Your job looks good. But then you get like, you’re jumping with one foot and now you switched to the other foot. They’re like, yeah, like they get so surprised because they want to feel seen. Right. They want to know that you’re actually seeing them. So try to note and describe what she’s doing when she does it well, and really like celebrate it and the timer for sure.
I’d be, let her to start it and end it. And it’ll be timed for as well. Kids. Timer works a lot for, for kids busy. Oh yes. Kids, kids, sorry, Leah. I just saw your message. Kids get really, really bored easily. And again, their attention spans are really short. It can be up to like 20 minutes in it, you know, just barely gives you time to do something else.
Try to laid out a plan for if it’s on the weekend. I just ask you some daycare, like try to lay out plan for the day today. We’re going to do this. Then this, then this and this. You can like have it down for her.
Even if she doesn’t, you know, obviously she doesn’t read, but you can have it written down. So she had seasoned list and she checks off every time you do something. And then when she wants to do something else or go do something else you say, we’re going to do that. After we do this, remember we have to do this first.
So gives them power. It gives them a bit of control and also anticipates into what’s going to happen during the day. But like, you got to create a plan for the day. So she knows what’s going to happen right now. It’s free play. Then we’re going to have lunch.
And then this and this let’s get them involved in the cooking. Cooking has so many practices for fine motor skills. And you can work on so many different things while cooking. So get them involved with the cooking, if you can, as well and just have a variety. And when she was born at you’re board, what would you like to do?
Do you want to read a book and then having quiet time and give her that option? Right? Like to tag out.
They Showed that she’s too slow to go party or get dressed. And I have to nag nag, nag, and we both get frustrated and you end up fighting, right? You end up in a power struggle. (48:03)
So yes, I think the timer will be best.
And it’ll give her a rush. It’ll give her, I guess, if she starts the timer and ends timer on the phone or wherever you have the timer or twists or whatever the timer is, it’ll be, it’ll be a rush for her. It’ll give her power and she’ll feel like she’s in control. It’s important for her to know exactly what she what’s expected for her, from her.
And you can start small. You can start with her going potty by herself first and then do the others. And again, really note that she did all the things. You were able to do. Three things to it today, you get you one part by yourself, you got dressed and you got ready for class, or you got your teeth brushed or whatever you need to do.
Like the three things, but really noted. And really kids thrive on praise. So if you describe and acknowledge it and really make a big deal, it’ll be, I think it’ll be really helpful. Plus the, the timer. And when she beats the timer, I’d be like, Ooh, you did it so fast to beat the timer. TRIBE read it again and stuff like that.
And if that you see that, that gives her power and thrill, then try to always like put a little extra on the timer so that she always beats it. It feels great about it.
Hi, Samina you’re 23 months old starts crying. Anytime we ask her not to do something in tips to address, to try to knowledge her emotion and tell her why we don’t want her to touch something. We told you as a hug and then try doing the behavior again. (49:19)
Yes. You gotta, you have to keep the limit. You’re doing rate exactly what you’re doing. It’s what you have to do, acknowledge the emotion, but set the limit. And if she’s crying, crying is a way of protest. So don’t be afraid of a cry. It’s a way of her saying what I want to do at why can’t I do it.
And she’s probably starting to develop her language even more and more, or the process two and a half, two years old is when a big language boom happened. So she doesn’t have many words or starting to get the words it’s crying still the way they know how to protest and how to neck. So she’ll hug you and you get other back. But when she tried to do it again, keep the limit again, set the limit.
So if she wants to, I don’t know, hit the TV. For example, that happens sometimes. And you ask her not to touch the TV and then she cries and then she hugs you. And then she goes to hit it again. I acknowledge your feelings again, showing you’re upset because you want to take it to work, hit the TV.
It’s not safe. It may fall on you. I’m going to move you here to keep you safe and like remove her or remove whatever is that she’s doing to keep her safe. Right now, I’m using those words and try to always use the same words. I’m going to move this away from you to keep you safe. I’m going to move you away from this to keep you safe, keep the boundary and just sit with them and let them cry it out.
It’s you know, they gotta get it out. And when you see that they’re over the big, big tantrum and the big explosion, try to engage them with something else. We can play with this book. Instead, we can play with these blocks instead and try to move them to something else.
Once they’ve already, you know, dealt with the emotion a little bit. Yeah.
If the plate that we put it off is a no-go, should we avoid giving something else that he likes? (51:05)
Yes, Ideally. Yes. I know many of us worry that our kids are going to go hungry because we haven’t, you know, they didn’t eat anything.
So we didn’t have lunch. North going to be starving all day, try to avoid, unless they’re asking for something that really hungry and they’re having try to avoid it. It’s easier to just, you know, this is lunchtime. This is what’s for lunch. If you have a safe food, most likely just go for the safe food in that moment and just eat the same food.
If they know that if they throw a tantrum, a cry of their lip plate, or they don’t want it, and you’ll eventually give them a yogurt and some cookies, it might happen every time they don’t want to try something. Right? So try to stick to just the meal that you put, try to say, you know, eat whatever you want, or you don’t have to eat anything you don’t want.
Like you can eat whatever you want and let them intuitively figure out, learn to listen to their bodies, learn to figure out what they want and where they don’t want. I know sometimes it’s hard. I know sometimes, you know, we just want to get them to eat, especially for bedtime.
When we know that if they don’t have a good meal, then they’re going to wake up in the middle of the night and they’re going to be hungry. And it sets off everything. Sometimes we feel like it’s easier to just get them to me. They want, but try to, by having a safe food on the plate, it gives them the opportunity to just have something that they will like when they’re older, you can get them a welt in certain moments of what they want.
Usually breakfast is the easiest to ask, you know, and have a variety of options. Try to avoid at lunch and dinner time to have like a whole menu for everybody. And like, what do you want? So you’re going to have chicken fingers. You’re going to have pasta.
It’s like, this is what we’re eating. And because mealtime, as family and everybody eating the same thing as part of them, learning to eat all kinds of foods and try to always expose different types of foods in different ways.
Hi far, why are there any tips on how to help your kids understand their grandparents are not their parents? What kind of language would we? I use my in-laws live with us are moving in June and they want them don’t understand the boundaries themselves at all for, to feed my kids who are self Peters. (52:55)
Number one, I will try to speak to the parents. I know it’s really hard. It may not be possible, but again, you can try to speaking to your kids about your parents in a nice and polite way.
So sort of send messages like, you know, Oh, like honey or whatever you call them. Show, show grandpa that you can eat on your home. Everybody’s going to eat on their own or we’re promoting independence and autonomy skills. So he’s going to eat on his own. Thank you for grabbing, for helping what we’re going to eat on her own.
Kind of, you know, with a lot of kindness, shut down their offer, or be like directly, if you can like, Oh, they so much for trying to help. But you know, we’re really promoting that. He eats on his own and we’re really trying to help. You can, you can, in certain moments you could, especially when they, when they move in June, which is still a few months away, you can let them know.
You can always talk to your kids directly. You know what their grandparents, where are your parents? And we are making the good decisions my parents support is, and they take care of us. And you know, but we, you know, mom and dad’s at this house and this is our house and this is what mom and dad stay.
And if you can, or if your partner can speak to the in-laws and you know, have them follow your lead, it could be easier. I assume that it’s a difficult situation in loss usually, or a difficult situation, but try to, you know, use a lot of kindness and sort of explain to your child what is happening in what the grant over, but things right now, it’s TV timer.
Remember we only watch TV at this time. So we can watch TV with grandpa at four what is TV time, you know, kind of like read, iterate, but keep the boundary in a polite manner where you’re not engaging with the app, like the grandpa, you know, rude way away in front of your child, but you’re also setting your limits and keeping the boundary.
Kids, setting K tips to help kids eat in a timely manner. (55:09)
Set timers short start with short times and expand times.
Sometimes you need to help them put the food on the spoon and then they get splint to their mouth. Try to not feed them. If they’re already self feeders and, you know, set a timer of how long you’re going to be at the table.
Eventually you get 15, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, whatever time you guys, as a family spend at the table, but put a timer. So it’s either visual or auditive for them, for them to have a guide of how long initially, while you’re you’re starting it, you can, you know, let them know, Oh, we’re halfway through.
Like, let them know, give them tips of how much time is left so they can prepare, you know, get going. You can use sometimes with the younger kids. I’m not sure how old your kids are. But sometimes with younger kids, we use like plastic cups. I think of, I don’t know, the plain like Kia cups.
And you can have three of three colors, like yellow, a blue and a green, and say, when we start eating, there’s going to be three cups. When there’s only two cups left. It’s because we’re halfway through when there’s only one cup left, you stack them, right. When there’s only one tower, it means it’s clean up time and you like time it so they can see.
And they know, and they’re like, it’s almost cleanup time. You can do it with three. You can do with five, but having a visual or listening, auditive a reminder of a timer could help them, you know, pace themselves and know how much time there’s left and get going on it.
Okay. Did you want to wean her off the bottle? (56:39)
Sorry, Heather, I’m just looking at your question now.
I mean, weaning off bottles varies. Some people recommend that as soon as they’re 12, get rid of the bottles, some people are more relaxed and they recommend that, you know, a bottle is not gonna last forever. They’re not, you’re not going to be 16 year olds drinking out of bottles. So give it a little bit of time.
But if you offer options, sometimes they wean themselves off naturally. So if you give them a new option, a new cup and you have something that’s very attractive to them, they will like it better and they will choose to go for it over the bottle.
So it could be a, like a smoother, easier transition.
Hi, a hidden sort. I’m just getting to a question. Now four and a half year old is a picky eater for a few days. He eats normal amount. And then for a few days he eats very little, he drinks just milk or just junk, or it goes to bed hungry. You only way to do, to get him to eat is with TV. (57:17)
Oh, Oh, sorry. I’m just getting to all your comments. I’m so sorry. Yes. I’m going to leave you guys, everyone here on the chat, my Instagram. So we can, you can hear me through one. We can talk about your son’s behaviors and different tips that you can implement daily to help you have smoother days.
And for him to prepare for success, the more successes they have, the better they feel. And the more likely they are continuing to continue success. All right, the more negativity they have, the more frustration they feel and the more they learn to find attention in different things through negative behavior.
So, so let me, everybody, if you can, you can find me on Instagram at heart smart parenting. Or my website is also from our parenting.ca. If you guys need more tips or more information or specific consultations.
So when I hit, do you want to kids? He, well, he’s four and a half years old. He’s still a preschooler, but they, they do struggle with, they have different eating habits.
Sometimes you feel like your kid just eating so much and having seconds and stuff. And then three days later, they don’t want to eat anything. And they go all day and you’re like, you’re going to start, but it’s been all day. You barely even had breakfast and it’s dinner time and you had no lunch. So we get frustrated and they have different eating patterns that sometimes it’s okay to let that go.
We just have to be careful of feeling up there spaces with junk food or things that are not, you know, very like part of their meals with lot. They thrive on a lot of structured. I’m just going like in general, for everybody, they thrive on a lot of structure. And when they know not necessarily structure that you have to be very rigid with the exact and be like, it’s seven years.
Your work needs to be in bed right now. No, sometimes if it’s seven, 10, eight, okay, well, you do structure with a routine when they can know what is expected from them, when they know what’s going to happen, when they know what’s gonna happen next. So I love predictability. When we set that in the more we set them up for success, the better it is for them.
And the more likely they are to repeat those, those good habits. Right? So again, just as a quick add on kids until the age of six, they think in images. So if you say to them, it’s like, if I say to you right now, don’t think about a pink elephant immediately. You thought about a pink elephant.
You bring a pink elephant to your right. They break, they think in images. So anything that you can’t put it in images, they don’t really it’s harder. Well, they can’t get it, but it’s harder for them to, that’s why there’s a lot of talk recently about not saying no to kids. It’s not because it will get traumatized because you can’t say no to them because you know, they will be negative.
There’ll be pessimists. They will be traumatized if you say no to a kid too much to, because no, it doesn’t have an image. So if you say to your child, no jumping on the couch, they’re going to visualize jumping on the couch. So that’s what they’re gonna do. You know, sometimes you’re getting an imaging versus if you say the coaches were sitting, then they visualize the couch for sitting.
That’s why I talk a lot about visual routines and visual stories, telling them like a social story story when you’re transitioning or when you need them to learn about certain things or visual routines for them right now, for those of you that have kids homeschooling. So they know exactly what’s going to happen. Are you going to wake up and you can print off images, you can take pictures of them doing it and print them off.
You can draw them out with them if they’re older and just have them in order and be like, so today we’re going to re wake up. We’re going to have breakfast. You’re going to get dressed. And you’re going to connect to your class after class. This is what’s going to happen so they can see it.
And they can prepare their brain and organize themselves and be able to get back on track every time they fall off track. And when you need rules as well, sometimes we, it didn’t come up today. Sometimes it comes up for sibling fighting and sibling rivalry of, or following rules at home. If you have like, you can create a tree, a rule tree, and you create it with them.
So any of these things that you do do it with them, organize it with them because that will also give them power and feel like they’re in control. Remember the adults always make the big decisions. The kids make the little decisions for those of you with toddlers choices is the best strategy we can use with them. Aside from images and everything that I’ve been saying, choices, give them two choices, never too many, because if you could move five, it’ll take, like, if you say you want to wear your products or your green boots or your black boots or your running shoes or your other running shoes, there’ll be like, maybe the Crocs, no, maybe the running shoes have too many options.
That’s a great way to get out of the house with winter gear, quick enough blue hat or gray hat. It’s not an option to not wear a hat.
So you only have two choices. You decide if you end up lying with you decides even more powerful. Do you want to wear that blue hat or the gray hat? You decide they’ve got the power and they’re making the decision. But the big decision of having to wear a hat it’s already been made by you.
So I hope this was useful to all of you. Thank you all for being here again. The times. Sometimes it’s not great for everyone, but we had a great turnout. We had some great questions. If I’m missing anything else, please post it on the parent playbook, Facebook page, or reach out to me directly. And I will be looking out for you guys and help supporting you with as best as I can.
Okay. You guys have a great night and Oh, thank you, Marina. Thank you all for being here. Get some rest. I hope you all have a good night of sleep and enjoy the snow tomorrow. And I’ll see you guys soon.